You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
