i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
