does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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