I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
