Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
