Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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