my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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