No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
