I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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