i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
