There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
