I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
