In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
