I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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