so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
