I'm lost and stupid without you.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
