Whod you bang
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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