She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize