careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
