I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize