an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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