an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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