I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
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Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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