Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
