..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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