I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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