nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
