fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
