i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
