it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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