Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize