at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
