Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
