i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
