its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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