i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
