I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
