I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
