she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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