Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
