We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
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