i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize