4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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