It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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