i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Houston, we have a blender
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
