she was so not down for the gang bang
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
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Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize