VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
