Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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