positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
