I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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