4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
