So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
