What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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