He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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