In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
