Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
