somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Let's paint friendship bongs
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
