if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
