wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
