I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
