I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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