..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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