I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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