I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
