i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
