no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
