I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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